An NPD having an episode
Beware... They walk among us. Like modern-day vampires or zombies, people affected by Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or "NPD") are driven by a force beyond their control. Incapable of self-reflection or admitting weakness, an individual with NPD creates a boastful and superior version of themselves which is used by the subconscious to mask inferiority, self-doubt and fear. This persona replaces the NPD's true personality, driving and controlling them much like some parasites assume cognitive control of their hosts. Living as this false identity creates intense social conflict and leads to bitter fighting, emotional withdrawl, burned bridges and a continual need to replenish the people around them with new relationships.
Narcissists are not merely ego-centric individuals, but are so hoplessly self-absorbed that they cannot have empathy or compassion for others. They also suffer from deeply-repressed fears of isolation, imperfection, vulnerability and jealousy that render them inept at maintaining relationships. Narcissists will burn through friendships and romances quickly, eventually making bitter enemies out of those that care about them most.
Narcissists are unable to recognize this pattern and virtually brainwash themselves into believing that all failures are the fault of others. They will fight bitterly to protect this perception no matter the cosequences.
Idealization
The NPD "puts you on a pedastal" and treats you like the most amazing partner to have come along, stroking your ego and "love bombing" you.
Devaluing
The NPD begins to exert control over you, demoralizing or demeaning you and withdrawing from constructive participation in the relationship.
Discarding
Revealed, the NPD turns against you and pushes you away in an effort to avoid further exposure of their obvious behavioral defects.
NPD Relationship Stage #1: Idealization
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ("NPD") are adept at fitting into society and appearing to have desirable traits, helping them to develop new relationships. Desperate for acceptance, the NPD idealizes the new partner and "love bombs" them to gain thier immediate acceptance. At this point the narcissist is feeding on the target to satiate their own need to validate themselves and feed the needs of their over-inflated ego.
NPD Relationship Stage #2: Devaluing
The NPD quickly embeds themselves into their partner's life and assumes a position of control in an almost parasitic fashion, attempting to control the partner and relegate them to playing a supoprting role in their concocted reality. By this time the partner begins noticing some serious behavioral defects that go significantly beyond undesirable personality traits. As these conflicts arise, the NPD subconsciously reconginzes that the partner is "catching on" and begins to lose their hero image of the partner, creating conflict and introducing unwarranted friction into the relationship. Eventually the NPD begins to withhold or withdraw from the relationship.
NPD Relationship Stage #3: Discarding
Running out of options, the NPD quickly turns their trusted partner into a sworn enemy. They concoct various reasons why the partner is a horrible, dispicable person and deserve to be pushed away. They become bitter and combative towards this artifical persona they have created in an effort to protect themselves from having to face the truth - that everything they know about themselves is wrong. The NPD quickly destroys the relationship before further analysis (such as marriage counselling) shatters their own manufactured self-perception.
The Lingering Effects of NPD on "Survivors"
Victims of NPD-disordered individuals often feel lifeless and depleted following the destruction of their relationship. These effects can continue for many years, most notably in divorce cases involving children where the victims (both the partner and the children) need to cope with the narcissist in a co-parenting arrangement.
Worse yet, the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be passed onto children.
Behind their masks, NPD's are afraid of not being wanted and as a result they have a constant need for adoration.
Fearful of having common flaws or weaknesses, NPD's will boast of being grandious or superior without merit.
NPD's fear having their entire sense of self exposed as a lie, quickly pushing people away to protect their own ego.
Fueled by jealousy and a need to divert blame, NPD's regularly insist others are lying or conspiring against them.
The following dangers resulting from a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have been published by Karyl McBride Ph.D. at PsychologyToday.com:
The child won’t feel heard or seen, their feelings and reality will not be acknowledged.
The child will be treated like an accessory to the parent, rather than a person.
The child will be more valued for what they do than for who they are as a person.
The child will not trust their own feelings and will grow up with crippling self-doubt.
The child will be taught that how they look is more important than how they feel.
The child will be taught to keep secrets to protect the parent and the family.
The child will not be encouraged to develop their own sense of self.
The child will feel emotionally empty and not nurtured.
The child will learn not to trust others.
The child will feel used and manipulated.
The child will feel that they need to support the parent, not to be supported.
The child’s emotional development will be stunted.
The child will feel criticized and judged, rather than accepted and loved.
The child will grow frustrated trying to seek love, approval, and attention to no avail.
The child will grow up feeling “not good enough.”
The child will not have a role model for healthy emotional connections.
The child will not learn appropriate boundaries for relationships.
The child will not learn healthy self-care and will be at risk of becoming co-dependent.
The child will have difficulty with the necessary individuation from the parent with age.
The child will be taught to seek external validation versus internal validation.
The child will get a mixed and crazy-making message of “do well to make me proud as an extension of the parent, but don’t do too well and outshine me.”
The child will experience jealousy from the parent.
The child is not taught to give credit to self when deserved.
The child will ultimately suffer from some level of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and/or anxiety in adulthood.
The child will grow up believing he or she is unworthy and unlovable, because if my parent can’t love me, who will?
The child is often shamed and humiliated by a narcissistic parent and will grow up with poor self-esteem.
The child often will become either a high achiever or a self-saboteur, or both.
The child will need trauma recovery and will have to re-parent themselves in adulthood.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be passed onto the child.
Many feel Narcissists are beyond treatment in that they have become their defenses to the point that they really can't be in touch with thier own selves. An NPD has swapped their undesirable traits and mood disorders for a full-blown personality disorder and there's no going back. They will never admit weakness and have no potential for self-reflection or capacity for change. They are much like drones in that they are no longer in control of themselves. The persona they have created controls them, and according to Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in his Psychology Today article they are unreachable.
Disclaimer
This website is created to help people coping with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ("NPD") and is intended to provide further guidance on seeking help from a qualified professional.
The author of this website is not a mental health professional and only has his own life experience to offer. Always perform your own due dilligence when seeking any advice.
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